When you and a partner separate, whether suddenly or over time, the first emotion is often panic. Your head will be buzzing with a range of questions about how you will cope, what you should you, whether you can you do life alone, what you are you going to have to let go of, whether you can live without that person in your life, your financial situation, your children, and the list of concerns goes on.

The truth is there is no need to panic; instead, take your time and think about your next move carefully. Your life will fall back into place, exactly as it is meant to be, in time.

From this point forward, you’re going to have the opportunity to order your life as you see fit; it is a chance to press the reset button. Whether that means moving to a different home, tidying up your finances, looking at a new career or job, getting further education or having some quality time to yourself, you can do it without needing to negotiate with a partner.

Even though you might feel that your world right now is out of control, it is actually the opposite: you are in control of your current reality, as well as your future, as never before. This could easily function as a time of empowerment if you choose that for yourself.

Stories we tell ourselves can be very powerful, so ensure that each day (whether you believe it or not) you create a new and even more empowering narrative for yourself. This will give you direction and a feeling of control, even though everything feels out of control.

When I went through my separation and divorce, my new narrative was: ‘Caralee, this is your chance to create your best life ever; what will you do with it?’

Of course, there will be real-world contingencies around money, accommodation, childcare and assets — it’s rare anyone comes out of a divorce as comfortable as they might have been had the marriage continued. There is no doubt that adjustments will need to be made. But if you write yourself off with panic and negativity before you’ve even had a taste of freedom and self-determination, you’ll only ever feel ruined by the end of your partnership, instead of released into an amazing, if unforeseen, future. Read my tips for finding happiness through your divorce here.

 

 

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