I want to share with you not only how to survive the end of your relationship, but how to power through and create your best life ever. In other words, how to be your own ‘divorce hero’!
It’s normal to feel a whole range of negative emotions. I see clients on a daily basis that are experiencing fear, stress, confusion, panic, grief and sadness. The breakdown of your serious relationship is considered to be the second most traumatic experience in life after the death of a loved one. It is no surprise then, why you feel so much hurt and pain in your life when you go through a separation. Your future dreams of being married for life and having a family with your spouse has come to an end and there are many losses that you have to come to terms with.
Of course, every situation is different, and every person is unique. However, for most people, regardless of whether the separation was a joint decision, instigated by you or not at all your choice, it will involve a rollercoaster of emotions and a large range of practical changes to your life. In most cases your life will not be the same and there will be adjustments that need to be made. For some the heartbreak will be extreme, for others the relationship may have fizzed out over time, yet either way the challenges that you may face can be overwhelming.
The good news is that this time in your life does pass, but until it does there are strategies that you can use to cope better and help you take renewed control of your life.
5 STRATEGIES TO POWERING THROUGH YOUR SEPARATION
STRATEGY 1: GATHER YOUR TROOPS
The beneficial impact of having a support team around you cannot be underestimated. It is true – a problem shared really IS a problem halved. You need a team around you that will support you and give you constructive and practical advice. Your ‘Separation Support Team’ should include:
- A family law solicitor or to start with Divorce Hero;
- An independent accountant or financial advisor;
- A counsellor or psychologist;
- Friends and family;
- A fit buddy, to help you stay active.
STRATEGY 2: TAKE YOUR POWER BACK
It’s normal to feel powerless and out of control after you separate, especially if it wasn’t your decision to end your relationship. Your life was going along in one direction and all of a sudden there has been a huge shift. It can feel like you are out of control of your own life, and you can find yourself in a state of reaction.
Now is the time to realise you are the master of yourself. You cannot control what anyone else does, but you do have complete control over what you do, say and think. It may not feel like it when you are going though a separation, but you are in the driver’s seat. You have many choices before you and no one can make them for you.
STRATEGY 3: FEEL YOUR FEELINGS
Put simply, going through a separation is challenging and it is emotional. There will be some form of grief, even if you instigated the separation, so you need to allow yourself to move through the grieving process. Just let it happen and move through it. Acknowledge your feelings, and let the tears come if they have to. Crying is a healthy way of letting it all out when compared to other less desirable options such as substance abuse, working 24/7, getting into a rebound relationship, or engaging in risky or violent behaviour.
Don’t be afraid to be sad; it’s a normal part of the process as you move through the end of your relationship.
STRATEGY 4: THE BEST IS YET TO COME
At the time of separation and until your resulting family law matters are resolved, it can be very difficult to be excited or see any positives about the future. It can feel like all the dreams and hopes that you had planned have now vanished in the storm of your separation.
The truth is, the best is yet to come. In time, you will recover, and you will rebuild your dreams – they will just be different from your master plan that you have had up until this point. One day you WILL look back and you will know that everything happens for a reason. Along the way, celebrate every win no matter how small.
STRATEGY 5: HAVE SOME FUN
Shake things up and have some fun! Reconnect with old friends, go somewhere you have always wanted to go or do something you have been wanting to but have been held back from by your ex-partner. It could be trying a new hairstyle, changing the furniture around, cancelling your gym membership, travelling somewhere new, eating out at a new restaurant or taking up a new hobby or pastime. Whatever it is, find the new in you. Make changes in your life, even the smallest ones, positive.
The power is yours!