Separation and divorce is difficult for everyone involved, however not every divorce has to be awful and messy. We believe that it is 100% possible to have a healthy and amicable divorce process. Divorce Hero’s aim for healthy and amicable resolutions. This does not mean to say that it is going to be easy, however there are most certainly ways that it can be made easier.
This is obvious, however the communication that you each have needs to be effective. Now that you are separated and there is no chance of a reconciliation it should be down to business. There is little value on reflecting on the past hurts of your relationship, it is time to start working on looking at the future instead of the past. You both have legal and practical issues that you need to address. You may not agree on everything and it will probably be little by little, don’t expect everything to be sorted out in one conversation. Speak to each other respectfully and don’t over react when you hear things you don’t agree with. In our Divorce HERO masterclass, we have an entire module on communication to teach you the skills you need. You can find out more about that here.
THE KIDS COME FIRST!
The feelings of hurt can be overwhelming, however it is important that those feelings cloud your judgement on what is best for your children. Protect your kids at all times from any temporary feelings you may have about your ex-partner. This is where you really have to step up and put your adult pants on and be the parents that your children deserve. If you say negative things about the other parent or withhold children without cause, the only people that truly suffer are your children.
DON’T HIRE A BULLY FOR OF A LAWYER
If you are needing to retain a lawyer, find a family law solicitor that is collaborative, smart and will do the work required to negotiate the best outcome for you. These days, the Court expects that solicitors work together in finding a fair resolution on behalf of their clients rather than litigate. If your solicitor is a bully and not able to communicate effectively on your behalf, it will take longer to resolve which will cost you more.
DON’T GET STUCK IN THE BLAME GAME
As hard as it may be, the sooner you accept responsibility your part in this process and the past, the sooner you will be able resolve your matter. When it comes to resolving your separation and divorce in a healthy and amicable manner, there is no room for continually visiting the past wrong doings of your ex-spouse. Those things are done, you can’t change the outcome of where you stand today. Blaming just takes away from resolving your family law issues.
BE WILLING COOPERATE AND COMPROMISE
When feelings are raw, the last person in the world that you want to cooperate and compromise with is your ex-partner. Often you will find that if you say ‘the sky is blue’ they will say it is red! It is the nature of the beast. But if you want to make this process quicker and easier, cooperation and compromise are the keys.
SELF-LOVE AND CARE
The changes, grief and loss brought on by separation and divorce can be overwhelming. This is a time in your life that more than ever you need to dig deep and look after yourself.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help from friends or family. If you are a very capable, independent person, the people around you may not realise how much you are struggling. Reach out for professional help to support the many issues that you need to deal with including financial, legal and emotional. Asking for help is not a weakness, it is a strength knowing your limitations.
Ensure that you find some time to have fun, exercise and eat healthy, nourishing food.
CHANGE YOUR MIND-SET ABOUT DIVORCE BEING FAILURE
Thinking that divorce is a failure is damaging to you and your children and you know what… it simply isn’t true. Relationships of all varieties, including marriages or long term de facto relationships, come to an end at times. It can be because one or both partners are not getting their needs met, that the people have changed or that damage and hurt has occurred.
If you are accepting that divorce is about making positive change in your life this is a much healthier mindset that opens a path for a more amicable and less costly separation and divorce process. Not all partnerships are meant to last forever so accepting when a relationship has run its course is a healthier way forward. There were probably many wonderful things that came from your relationship, particularly if you have had children.